Do You Believe In Life After Mark?
by Clairesworld
Summary: Claire and Mark are happy but how long will it last? Claire doesn't know how she could ever live without Mark. A story written from H's point of view.
1. Feelings

I sit down on a chair outside the recording booth while Claire records her solo. I look in at her through the glass, I try to decide whether to tell her about Mark or not. They are happy together and I don't want to ruin things but if I don't tell her will their love last much longer anyway? I can't take my eyes off of her but then again I've never been able to before, I think to myself how would she cope with life after Mark but I don't even need to ask for the answer because I know it already. I look down at the floor for a few seconds and then back up to her, suddenly a song pops into my head, which reminds me in a way of Claire. I only wish I had the guts to tell her how I feel, I start to sing but only in my mind so that no one else can hear.  
  
No matter how hard I try  
  
You keep pushing me aside  
  
And I can't break through  
  
There's no talking to you  
  
It's so sad that you're leavin'  
  
It takes time to believe it  
  
But after all is said and done  
  
You're gonna be the lonely one  
  
Do you believe in life after love?  
  
I can feel something inside me say  
  
I really don't think you're strong enough now  
  
Do you believe in life after love?  
  
I can feel something inside me say  
  
I really don't think you're strong enough now  
  
What am I supposed to do  
  
Sit around and wait for you  
  
Well I can't do that  
  
And there's no turnin' back  
  
I need time to move on  
  
I need love to feel strong  
  
'Cos I've had time to think it through  
  
'N' maybe I'm too good for you  
  
Oh, do you believe in life after love?  
  
I can feel something inside me say  
  
I really don't think you're strong enough now  
  
Do you believe in life after love?  
  
I can feel something inside me say  
  
I really don't think you're strong enough now  
  
Well I know that I'll get through this  
  
'Cos I know that I am strong  
  
I don't need you anymore  
  
I don't need you anymore  
  
No I don't need you anymore  
  
I don't need you anymore.  
  
I look at the floor then back up at Claire, she smiles at me, I smile back and admire her beauty. Then the door opens and Mark walks in, I can't control my anger no more.  
  
I get up off the chair and punch him in the face, his eyes close and he falls to the floor. Claire comes running out of the recording booth in tears. I grab her arm and pull her into a hug, she hits me then screams "I hate you H." She goes over to Mark and kisses him, slowly he opens his eyes and smiles at her he then looks evilly at me.  
  
I've blown it with Claire she hates me, she might of not meant what she said or may even regret it later but part of me isn't totally convinced about that. I sit back down in the chair and close my eyes. Thoughts of Claire rush through my mind, the first time I saw her and what I thought about her then, oh my God how things have changed. Since then every day's been harder for me, seeing her standing there smiling at me, taking my hand as we walk on or off of the stage. It's such a beautiful feeling but at the end of the day I go home without her, she goes back to a man who doesn't truly love her.  
  
She leaves with Mark not bothering to say a word to me, will I see her at work tomorrow or will she not turn up? I don't know but I won't blame her if she doesn't because she doesn't know about Mark yet. I walk slowly home, let myself in the front door and feed the cats. I pick a photo of Claire and me up off the side, I absolutely love this picture because Claire looks so nice in it. Well much more than nice. I don't have the guts to tell her I love her more than just a friend and she wouldn't possibly feel the same. My phone starts ringing and I answer it hoping its her but its not.  
  
Hi.  
  
Mark: Hi.  
  
What do you want?  
  
Mark: How did you find out?  
  
That's none of your business and who do you think you are calling me up like this?  
  
Mark: A much better man than you'll ever be.  
  
I slam down the phone, his last comment nearly killed me. Maybe he's right? I am just a stupid idiot who could never be a good bloke. Who am I trying to fool? Mark's right there's no way in hell Claire could ever like me. 


	2. Mixed Emotions

I slowly get into bed the whole time trying not to think about Claire, this is unsuccessful because I can't get her out of my head. I'm just starting to fall asleep when there's a knock at the door, I don't answer it because it's two in the morning and it's probably just a drunken person on their way home. The knock sounds again but this time it's slightly louder, I still don't get up to answer it. Eventually they go away and I fall into a deep sleep.  
  
When I arrive at work Claire's not there but I never expected her to be, my manager comes over to me demanding to know where Claire is and what is going on between us.  
  
What do you mean going on between us?  
  
Tim: She stayed at your house last night.  
  
No she didn't.  
  
Tim: I rang Mark this morning and he said Claire didn't come home last night and that she was staying at your place.  
  
Someone knocked at two in the morning but I didn't answer the door.  
  
Tim: Great so no one knows where she is, this is just brilliant.  
  
I can't stop thinking that something has happened to her and what if that was her knocking on my door last night. I sit there pulling my hair out with worry then she walks in and stops right in front of me. She looks extremely tired and upset, I just want to hold her in my arms and tell her everything will be ok but she hates me remember. Claire sits down on my lap and kisses me on the cheek, I'm completely shocked because I didn't expect her to be talking to me. Suddenly it hits me that maybe Marks told her everything, even though this is very unlikely.  
  
Claire I…  
  
Claire: Sshhhhhhhhhh, it's ok I understand.  
  
Understand what exactly?  
  
Claire: That you were just angry and took it out on Mark.  
  
I smile even though that's a complete lie but if I told her the truth she probably wouldn't believe it as Mark has already filled her head with loads of crap make believe lies. Claire takes my hand and leads me to the dressing room, we sit down and talk things over and me not wanting to lose her again just play along with Marks lies. She gets up and looks through some clothes hanging on a rail in the corner, this is when I decide to tell her how I feel. I walk over to her and put my arms around her waist, I wait for a minute or two before I say anything. I decide it will be easier to just come straight out with it.  
  
Claire I love you.  
  
Claire: I love you too, why are you telling me this anyway I already know you love me. It's not as if you never tell me so is it.  
  
I smile at her response but I know she doesn't understand what I'm saying, well maybe she does but she just doesn't want to hear it. I can't face talking about my feelings for her anymore so I try to make it sound like I meant it in a friendly way.  
  
I guess I'm just trying to say sorry for upsetting you.  
  
Claire: I forgive you, I love you too much to lose you. Anyway I really upset you too didn't I? I mean telling you I hated you, the minute I said it was the minute I regretted it.  
  
I don't want to lose you either and don't worry about upsetting me, I can handle it.  
  
Claire smiles at me and we walk hand in hand to the canteen for some breakfast. Claire doesn't eat much she just pushes the food around her plate with her fork. I am slightly worried about her but then again I worry way too much. I know something's wrong with her, I've known her so long that it just becomes obvious.  
  
Claire what's wrong?  
  
Claire: Nothing really.  
  
And that's supposed to mean?  
  
Claire: I think I'm pregnant.  
  
Very funny Claire.  
  
The look I get back tells me she wasn't joking and my heart sinks, I'll never get a chance to be with her or even to tell her how I feel for her now. It wouldn't be fair to reveal my true feelings to her now. Oh my God what about Mark, he might dump her when he finds out or even if he doesn't he might go back to his old ways again or I suppose it could just make him love her even more. Oh well beings I can't have her no more I just want her to be happy. A small tear falls from my eye and I feel Claire's hand on top of mine. 


	3. Shock And Fright.

I don't know what to say to her and I just want to get up and leave, more and more tears are falling down my face and I'm beginning to feel embarrassed. Claire's hand is still resting on mine I look down at our hands and I entwine my fingers with hers then I look up at her. She isn't showing much emotion and for once in my life I don't have a clue about what she is feeling.  
  
Claire: Ian, why are you crying?  
  
I don't know.  
  
Claire: I don't want to do this on my own come with me to take the test.  
  
No Claire I don't want to.  
  
Now tears start to fill her eyes and she moves her hand away from mine. She gets some money out of her bag and puts it on the table before getting up and walking away. I watch her until she's out of sight then I run my hands through my hair, I've upset her now and I didn't mean to but I guess she'll never know why I acted the way I did. I pay for the food and then walk towards our dressing room, the toilet area is closed so I walk towards it and knock quietly.  
  
Claire hunny are you in there?  
  
Claire: Go away.  
  
Claire please, I 'm sorry about before. I just needed time to think.  
  
Claire: I don't care. You said you didn't want to be here so go away.  
  
JUST OPEN THE DOOR WILL YOU.  
  
I immediately regret the shouting, I hear Claire crying more and moving further away from the door. I've scared her and I hope she won't do anything stupid. I try the door but it's still firmly locked.  
  
Claire, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to shout like that.  
  
Claire slowly opens the door, she is sitting down on a chair looking at the pregnancy test in her hand.  
  
Claire: You scared me. I thought you were going to hit me.  
  
Hit you? I'd never do that. What made you think I would?  
  
Claire: You just sounded so angry that's all.  
  
Come on come here.  
  
I pull her into a hug and rub her back, I'm still confused about why she thought I would hit her but that doesn't matter now.  
  
Have you done the test?  
  
Claire: No. I can't do it, I just can't.  
  
Your be alright Claire, come on just do the test.  
  
Claire: I'd rather do it later.  
  
Ok then.  
  
I sit holding her for a while longer then she says she better go home, I offer to take her home but she reminds me that I can't drive so that would be literally impossible. I laugh at her joke and walk with her to her car, she then offers me the lift but I also turn her down, saying I'd rather walk. This isn't the truth, the truth is that I think I'm going to start crying again and I don't want her to have to see me. I stand in the car park the rain gently falling down onto my pale skin watching her drive away. After a few minutes I turn and walk away.  
  
When I get home there's a handwritten envelope sticking out of the door, I recognise the writing straight away and walk into the house with it. The envelope simply just says H, I open it and pull out a long letter in her handwriting. I start to read it and tears fill my eyes, it is such a sweet letter and has a lot of feeling in it. I fight back the tears and pick up my phone, I dial her number and wait. Eventually she answers but I can't bring myself to talk to her, I listen to her breathing for a short while then put down the phone and now is when I can't hold back my tears any longer. This is not like me at all I never normally let my emotions show but today was different. Today I had lost someone. 


	4. Finding Out.

I wake up extremely late and rush to get dressed. When I finally walk into mine and Claire's dressing room half an hour later I'm absolutely starving, as I had no time for breakfast. Claire is standing looking in the mirror and is also applying her mascara, which she definitely doesn't need to be wearing, she looks perfect without it.  
  
Do you fancy going to the canteen for breakfast today Claire?  
  
Claire doesn't answer me so I walk up to her and slip my arms around her waist, my hands rest on her stomach, but as soon as I do that Claire screams out in pain.  
  
Claire: Don't Ian that hurts!  
  
Claire turns round to face me and has tears in her eyes. I'm confused because why would me touching her stomach gently, hurt? I walk closer to her and look down at her stomach, I reach my hand back out towards her but she sees and grabs hold of my arm. She looks at me and says "Don't" I ignore her and pull my arm away from her, I quickly but gently lift up her top before she can stop me. Her stomach is badly bruised and I mean badly there isn't a patch of normal coloured skin on it, it is all purple. Claire starts crying and holds on to my hand. I realise now why she thought I was going to hit her before. Claire collapses into my arms and continues to cry, I'm really mad and all I want to do is get hold of Mark and kill him.  
  
Claire. Was this Mark?  
  
Claire: Yes.  
  
Did you do the test?  
  
Claire just nods but doesn't indicate whether she is pregnant or not. I ask her if she has told Mark but she shakes her head, I move her hair away from her neck and see more bruises which lead down towards her back. Claire knows that I've seen them and tells me there's more. Some of the cuts are infected and need cleaning but she wont go to a doctor. I gently pick her up and walk to the hotel around the road, I book us in for the night and take her to the room.  
  
Claire: I can't go back to Mark he'll kill me.  
  
You don't ever have to go back to him, you can stay here with me.  
  
Claire: Thank you.  
  
I'll go and run you a bath.  
  
I walk into the bathroom leaving Claire sitting on the bed, I turn on the water and put in some soothing skin wash to help with the bruising. Claire walks up behind me and I leave her to get undressed but just as I'm about to close the door Claire calls me back.  
  
Claire: Stay with me.  
  
Ok darling, I'll be back in a minute.  
  
I walk back into the room a few minutes later and Claire is sitting in the bath, I sit down beside the bath and hold her hand. She smiles at me and I smile back, I'd often sat in the bathroom while she was in the bath when we had been on tour with steps, we just talked and lit a few candles to calm us down a little before or after the shows. But today this felt different because today Claire was being abused by her good for nothing boyfriend Mark. Claire looks over to her bag and points to it.  
  
Claire: I took the test but I don't know what it says, can you get it out of my bag please?  
  
Of course.  
  
I pick up the test and go and sit back down from where I got up. Claire looks at me and I can tell she is scared.  
  
Claire: What does it say?  
  
You're not pregnant.  
  
Both of us let out a sigh of relief and Claire begins to relax a bit more. 


	5. Confronting Him

Its getting quite late now and Claire is lying on the bed in some kind of daydream, her mobile rings but she ignores it. I look at the screen and see Mark's name flashing on it, I push the cancel button and turn off the phone. I walk over to the bed and sit next to Claire.  
  
Are you ok?  
  
Claire: Yeah I'm fine but what's bothering you?  
  
Claire touches the side of my face and looks into my eyes, she gently runs her hand up and down the left side of my face. I take hold of her hand and try to not look into her eyes, I know if I do then I will start crying or maybe get angry.  
  
I...I....lov....  
  
Before I can finish my sentence Claire takes my head in her hands and kisses me softly on the lips, I pull away and look at her completely surprised. She turns away and whispers, "I'm sorry." I can't believe that she just kissed me but I liked it and I really want to kiss her back but I know that she's confused and doesn't really want me. I turn Claire round so she is facing me again, she has tears in her eyes.  
  
Claire: I thought you loved me.  
  
I do but your confused.  
  
Claire: No I'm not, your exactly what I want.  
  
Really?  
  
Claire: Absolutely.  
  
I pull Claire into a kiss which seems to last forever, Claire falls asleep in my arms and I feel happy and pleased that she finally knows how I feel for her even though she did make a move on me before I could tell her. I'm going to look after Claire and make sure Mark never goes near her and hurts her again, I'm going to make him pay for what he's done.  
  
I'm starting to feel tired so I snuggle up to Claire and try to get some sleep. When I finally wake up the next morning Claire is still fast asleep, I lift her off my arm slowly and then place her head back on the pillow. I get dressed and leave the hotel room, I go down into reception and warn them about Mark before heading around to Claire and Mark's house. I knock on the door and he answers almost immediately, at first I don't say anything I just stand there looking at him, this causes him to look back at me rather blankly.  
  
Mark: Claire's not here.  
  
Why did you hit her Mark?  
  
Mark: What are you on about?  
  
WHY DID YOU HIT CLAIRE?  
  
Mark: Ok calm down. I won't deny it, I did hit her and I done it because she deserved it.  
  
No she didn't.  
  
Mark: How do you know?  
  
I don't respond to him, He deserves to be hit but I have other things in mind and anyway he would just go straight to his big bunch of dancer friends and set them on me. He's not worth a big fight, it would be a waste of my time but I'm not going to let him get away with anything though.  
  
Mark: And when you see the good for nothing little bitch, tell her to get her arse home quickly.  
  
She's not coming home Mark.  
  
Mark: We'll see about that.  
  
Mark slams the door in my face and I stand staring at it. I can't believe I never realised that he was hurting her like this. Well I knew he cheated on her with some tart but hitting her, that's a different story I would have never guessed that Mark was like that. I walk away from his house thinking about the letter and about what I should do. I don't have the guts to ring her again but maybe I have to before she turns up on my doorstep. I turn the corner and turn my thoughts back to Claire. 


	6. Confusion

I just carry on walking and have no idea where I'm going, suddenly I find myself standing at Claire's parents house. I slowly walk down the path and knock on the door, I still have no idea why I'm here. Nina opens the door and looks really pleased to see me but then again Claire's family have always welcomed me with open arms. I took Claire home with me a few times and my parents absolutely adored her and keep asking when she will be coming again and now maybe it will happen after what happened between me and Claire last night.  
  
Nina: Ian, How are you?  
  
Nina hugs me and I kiss her on the cheek before walking into the house. Claire's dad is sitting watching TV in the front room, it's football and Chelsea and Newcastle are playing.  
  
Nina: Go in and sit down with Bob. Would you like a beer?  
  
No thank you Nina I'm fine.  
  
I sit in the front room with Nina and Bob talking and making jokes. I'm pleased I get on so well with them, they really are nice people. A while later the front door opens and I expect to see Claire's sister Gemma walk in but instead its Claire.  
  
Claire: What's he doing here?  
  
Nina: Don't be rude Claire.  
  
Claire: Well what's he doing here?  
  
I can tell that Claire is really angry from the tone of her voice but what have I done? I can't think of anything. I quickly think of an answer that isn't going to get me in more trouble.  
  
I was just passing that's all.  
  
Bob tries to change the subject as he can tell Claire is in a mood but unfortunately he changes the subject to Mark. I expect Claire to go mad and tell them everything but she definitely doesn't do that.  
  
Bob: Where's Mark hunny?  
  
Claire: At home watching the football.  
  
Bob: Well why don't you ring him and invite him round to watch it with me? If you want to that is.  
  
Claire: Yeah sure I'll just ring him.  
  
A few minutes later Mark walks into the room and sits next to Claire, there all over each other and it makes me feel sick. He keeps kissing her neck and she keeps kissing him back and it's as if nothing ever happened between Claire and me. I knew she was confused and didn't really want me. I make my excuses and run from the room, as I get to the end of the path I turn around and see Nina standing there looking very worried, I run back up the path and tell her I'm ok before kissing her and running off again.  
  
Later that night and I am sitting on the bed thinking about Claire, a few moments later she walks in and starts to pick up her things from around the room. I'm not sure whether I should talk to her but in the end I can't resist.  
  
What are you doing?  
  
Claire: What does it look like, I wish you would use your brain.  
  
Sorry, next time I won't bother speaking to you.  
  
Claire: WHY THE HELL DID YOU GO AND SEE MY PARENTS FOR? GOING TO TELL THEM WHAT I'VE BEEN HIDING FROM THEM WERE YOU?  
  
I'm worried about her and I'm also extremely angry with her but I don't want to be. I try to hide my anger but I don't succeed.  
  
DON'T YOU START SHOUTING AT ME YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S DOING WRONG HERE. YOU USED ME CLAIRE.  
  
Claire turns and slaps me around the face and believe me it really hurt, I move my hand up and hold my face. I'm completely shocked that she had actually hit me. I look at her and she just looks back at me. I give her an evil look and tell her she's just a stupid tart, I didn't mean to say it. It just slipped out and I don't really think that of her at all.  
  
Claire: YOU BASTERD!  
  
GET OUT, GO ON GO BACK TO MARK.  
  
Claire: H don't be like this I need Mark.  
  
You don't need him.  
  
Claire: Yes, yes I do.  
  
With that Claire runs from the room leaving all her stuff behind, she slams the door behind her. I sit on the bed with my head in my hands, I don't know what to feel, I've never been good with emotions. But one thing I know for sure is that I love Claire and I want her. 


	7. What I Want And Feel.

I pick all of Claire's things off the floor and pack them into a bag. I've decided that I'm going to go round hers to give them back, I probably won't be welcome but I don't care. When I arrive I notice that only the living room light is on and the rest of the house looks extremely dark. As I approach the door I hear shouting, I creep up to the door and listen in.  
  
Mark: WHY DID YOU TELL HIM THAT I HIT YOU?  
  
Claire: I'm sorry Mark, I didn't mean to tell him but he saw all the bruises and just guessed.  
  
Mark: AND WHY WAS HE LOOKING AT YOUR STOMACH, HE CAN'T SEE THROUGH CLOTHES CAN HE.  
  
Claire: No, it's just that it hurt and he looked before I could stop him.  
  
Mark: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, I KNOW YOU'RE LYING TO ME AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LIE TO ME.  
  
Claire: Please don't hit me.  
  
Mark: Claire you lied and you have to be punished.  
  
I see Mark take off his belt and I hear Claire scream as the belt hits down against her skin. I start pounding on the door but I'm just ignored, I drop the bag I'm carrying and run around to the back door, which I find unlocked. I run in just as Mark is about to hit Claire with the belt again, he turns and sees me and before I can stop him he hits me across my chest with the belt. I fall to the floor and my white t-shirt starts to turn red, I can see Claire sitting on the floor crying but I can't help her because I'm in too much pain. To my surprise Claire gets up and walks over to Mark and slaps him then calls him some name which I didn't quite catch, she runs over to me and holds my hand.  
  
All of a sudden I wake up and find myself in a hospital bed, I look around and see Claire sitting on a chair holding her stomach and she looks like she's in pain. I try to talk but my mouth is dry and my lips hurt, I move my hand and touch a big red button on a grey keypad. A doctor walks in and him and Claire both turn to look at me, Claire looks relieved and the doctor looks concerned. I try to speak again and this time I manage to say, "Help her."  
  
Claire: H hunny, I'm fine stop worrying about me ok.  
  
You're not ok.  
  
Claire doesn't reply but passes me a glass of water and the doctor leaves as quickly as he arrived. I make Claire sit down on the bed with me and I hold her hand, she looks at me lovingly and I begin to think that maybe she does love me. I look down at my chest and see that it is all bandaged up, I think to myself that there's no way anything can happen between me and Claire for a while. Claire leans forward and kisses me on the forehead then she kisses me again but this time on the lips, I kiss her back and run my hands through her hair and down her back the whole time trying not to hurt her. She finally pulls away and smiles at me, of course I smile back and hold on to her hand tighter.  
  
Claire: I'm sorry for deserting you like that but it was.  
  
It was Mark threatening you wasn't it.  
  
Claire: Yeah, there's no fooling you is there.  
  
Of course not. Now I have something to ask you.  
  
Claire: *looking confused* What's that?  
  
I've always loved you and I always will. The first day I saw you when you walked through that door I thought the manager was playing some kind of joke, I mean how could someone be so beautiful and have such a great voice. But then when he told me you were going to be in a band with me I thought wow. I did think you were a lot older than me and I would have no chance but then when I found out you were only 19 it made my day. I always dreamed that someday we would fall in love and get married and start a family together but I never thought any of it would happen. Everyday I found myself falling more and more in love with you and wanting you more. And well now I guess I have a chance to tell you I love you and I don't ever want to let you go. Oh and by the way I wanted to ask you if you felt the same and if you would consider going out with me?  
  
Claire's now crying and holding on to my hand tightly, she looks gorgeous as per usual even though I know what state her body's in after the way Mark's treated her but I don't care in time it will heal, but even if they leave scar's behind I'll still love her, she's all I live for.  
  
Claire: I love you too and of course I'll go out with you.  
  
Claire lies down beside me and leans gently on my chest, it doesn't hurt at all but I can feel a tingling feeling but I think that's just love. Oh my God listen to me I sound like I actually know what I'm taking about, which I don't. I put my arms around her and whisper I love you in her ear, I gently tuck a lose strand of hair behind her ear then we both fall asleep.  
  
I wake up and kiss Claire on the head, our fingers are still entwined like they had been the night before and I kiss her again. I just can't resist because she's so beautiful and I love her so much. Suddenly I realise me and Claire aren't alone in the room, I look up and she Nina, Bob and both my parents sitting smiling at me. I feel bad because I wanted to spend some time with Claire before anybody found out. I smile back and move my hand back up Claire's back and at the same time by accident slightly lift up the back of Claire's top. Nina and Bob see the marks, bruises and blood on Claire's back and immediately turn their angry gazes towards me. 


	8. Why Now?

I don't really know what to say to them, as I don't think Claire would want me to tell them about Mark. I take another sip of water and look at them, they still hold looks of anger on their faces and I can feel tears filling my eyes. Claire moves slightly in her sleep and moves her arm and head further on to my chest, I think about waking her but then decide against it. I look at Nina sadly and pray to God that she doesn't think I beat Claire up.  
  
Nina: Ian. What's going on?  
  
I look away from her and tears pour down my face, I don't want Claire's parents to see me cry. I just wish that they would all disappear and it would just be me and Claire alone together but that's not going to happen now Nina's seen the bruises. A nurse comes in and unwraps my bandage then goes to get me a clean one. Both Claire's parents and mine look at me sadly and my mum reaches out for my hand.  
  
Gaynor: What happened?  
  
I got hit with a belt.  
  
Gaynor: By who?  
  
Mark.  
  
My mum looks confused she doesn't really have a clue who Mark is but from the look on Nina and Bobs faces they know exactly who I mean. Maybe I won't need to tell them about how he's been treating Claire recently because they might have worked it out for themselves.  
  
Nina: Why did he hit you with a belt?  
  
He was hitting.  
  
I can't face it any longer and I start to cry and Claire wakes up at the sound of my tears, she sees her parents there and knows the games up. She snuggles closer to me and tells me everything will be ok, I know this sounds silly but just hearing her say that made me feel a whole lot better. I look her in the eyes and she kisses me on the lips not caring that our parents' are staring at us.  
  
Nina: I said why?  
  
Claire: Mum stay out of this it's none of your business.  
  
Nina: Has Mark been hitting you Claire?  
  
Claire: Yes he has been beating me up and I know I shouldn't of stayed with him so don't start.  
  
Nina is really cross with Claire for the way she had talked to her but I can tell she also feels sadness for what Mark has done and anger at Mark too. Bob storms out of the room and there's no prizes for guessing where he's going. Claire is even more upset now, as she knows Mark will come back for her.  
  
Claire: Please can you all just go?  
  
Nina: No Claire we can't not until you tell us what's going on.  
  
Claire: I love Ian and I want to be with him.  
  
Claire leans over me and starts to kiss me passionately on the lips, it feels so nice but I'm not too sure whether I like my parents staring at me though. Claire finally pulls away and settles her head back on my chest, I can't help smiling and I just want to kiss her again and again. Nina looks at us completely shocked and the expressions on my parent's faces aren't much different until my mum starts smiling and crying.  
  
Gaynor: I'm so happy for you.  
  
Claire smiles and my mum goes and kisses her on the cheek. But I bring Claire closer to my side and lean my chin on her head, I feel really ill and need some support I grab hold of Claire's hand tightly as I feel myself falling unconscious. A while later I open my eyes to see my dad hugging Claire who is crying hysterically, I look over to my dad and he sees I'm awake. He tells Claire and she turns to see me, she runs over to me and hugs me gently.  
  
For a few moments why Claire holds me in her arms I feel complete and pleased to have the women I've loved for years finally feeling the same way. As she pulls away and looks into my eyes I start to feel pain and anger, not at her but at Mark. The tears flowing down her cheeks and her swollen eyes tell me she loves me but they also tell me she's in pain. 


	9. Closer Together Yet Further Apart.

I woke up a little while ago to find Claire snuggled up close to me, she spent the night here with me but nothing happened, I don't think either of us had the energy. I run my hand through her hair and smile at her, I can't believe how much happier she makes me now that were more than friends. I had a dream last night and I actually remembered it, which is very unusual for me, maybe it was a sign. I dreamed that Claire had a little boy, my little boy on my birthday. Oh well it probably meant nothing, I mean its August now and I don't think we'll be moving that fast. I'd be over the moon if it did happen though.  
  
Claire is just waking up well stirring anyway and we're meant to be going shopping today, which means we will be out for hours! But I don't really mind, I can buy her loads of new things well that's if she lets me. Claire opens her eyes and smiles at me, I lean down and kiss her on the lips.  
  
Morning gorgeous.  
  
Claire: Morning.  
  
Are we still going to go shopping today?  
  
Claire: If you like, I'd much rather stay in bed with you all day.  
  
Well if that's what you want!  
  
Claire must really love me, nothing normally stops her from going on a shopping trip. I felt so good when she said she'd rather spend the day in bed with me, I don't think anything will happen but you never know. I'm thinking of asking Claire to move in with me because at the moment she is living with her parents. I really would love her to live with me, I think it would make everything complete and then we could get married and have children, everything will be just great. I would ask Claire to marry me but I know she would be scared off by a proposal because its too early into the relationship even though I have loved her with all my heart for over five years.  
  
I think I've finally plucked up the courage to ask Claire to move in with me, I really hope she says yes. I look down at her and she looks up at me, her eyes seem to shine and tell me she loves me. I take the opportunity to steal a kiss from her before moving her closer to my body and think over what I'm going to say. Before I can say what I want to say Claire is kissing me passionately and running her hand up and down my chest, I'm quite stunned but that doesn't mean I want her to stop. Slowly she takes off my top and gets on top of me kissing my chest and my neck but all of a sudden she stops.  
  
Claire: Ian, am I hurting you?  
  
I look at her lovingly and think to myself even if you were hurting me I wouldn't care as long as I had you in my arms. She looks at me blankly and I think she's hoping that I don't say yes.  
  
Of course you're not!  
  
She continues to kiss me and I run my hand up and down her thigh, the whole time thinking about how sexy she is and how much I love her, I can see that she feels the same way. She slides her hand down my boxers and grabs hold of me, my eyes widen and I feel like everything is finally working out for me and I just want to spend the rest of my life with her.  
  
I wake up with thoughts of what has just happened floating through my mind. Claire is still on top of me and is breathing softly, I can't believe it actually happened so soon! I'm waiting for her to wake up then I'm going to ask her to move in.  
  
About an hour later she finally wakes up and I just come out with it, I figure it's easier that way instead of mumbling on about something.  
  
Claire, will you move in with me?  
  
I don't like the look, which has formed on Claire's face, it's not a look of happiness or shock it's a look of anger and sadness. She gets off of me and slides out of the bed before starting to put her clothes on. I don't know what to say to her or how to look at her. I can't bring myself to say anything at first but then I realise I have to otherwise I'm going to lose her. As I start to speak I'm aware that my voice is very shaky.  
  
Claire?  
  
Claire: What?  
  
Well will you move in with me?  
  
Claire: I can't believe you actually asked me.  
  
What do you mean?  
  
Claire: After everything Mark done to me. I'm just not ready to commit to someone yet. I do love you though Ian and I want to be with you I'm just not ready to move in with you.  
  
Fine! If that's what you want.  
  
Claire: Ian don't be like that. I'll come and see you tomorrow.  
  
Don't bother I wont be here.  
  
Claire: *crying* I thought you of all people would understand.  
  
Claire runs into the bathroom and locks the door. I can't help feeling guilty for making her have to decide like that but I also didn't expect her to react like this. I've decided that I'm going to go back to Wales tomorrow to give Claire a break from me and then maybe time will be a healer. 


	10. Welcome Home.

I'm feeling rather lonely at the moment, I think it must be because I haven't seen Claire for three months. I hadn't been in Wales a day when I got a phone call from Claire saying that she'd changed her mind and wanted to move in with me. I was so happy that I drove straight back to my place and when I got there Claire was waiting for me. She's in Ireland at the moment because a family member is very ill and she's had to go with her mum to help out but she's coming home today. I can't wait. I've been sitting here watching the clock for the past three hours and I'm getting more and more excited as the day goes on, she should be here any minute. I hear the door open and run straight to it to find Claire standing there struggling with an enormous bag, I take it from her and bring her into a tight embrace.  
  
Cold in Ireland was it?  
  
Claire: What?  
  
Well you're wearing that fleece so I just thought in might have been cold in Ireland!  
  
Claire: Yeah it was bloody freezing and I didn't want the press to find out before you did.  
  
H: Find out what?  
  
As I turn round Claire takes her fleece off and I'm shocked, I can't believe what I'm seeing. I sit down on the bed and start to cry, I think I may have scared Claire a bit when I started to cry. She comes and sits down on the bed next to me and places her arm around me. I should be the one that's being strong but instead I ball my eyes out.  
  
Claire: I know it's come at a bit of a bad moment but we can cope, well that's if you want to?  
  
Of course I do. I'm so happy.  
  
Claire: I thought you weren't happy about it!  
  
How far gone are you?  
  
Claire: Four months. Ian do you mind if I go for a lie down? I'm really tired.  
  
Of course I don't mind.  
  
I watch as Claire lays down on the bed and starts to drift off to sleep. I go out for a walk to clear my head and think about the baby that's going to be entering our lives in six months time. I'm so happy about it, I mean I can't use words to express what I feel it's just too hard to find the words which really show it. I don't go for long walk but still I manage to end up chatting to some fans who are wanting autographs. By the time I get back to the house I've been gone two hours but Claire is still asleep. I sit on the bed next to her and gently kiss her on the cheek.  
  
I'm sorry I made you think I didn't want the baby earlier but the thing is I want this baby more than I've ever wanted anything before in my life well except for wanting you that is. I really should be telling you this when you're actually awake but I find it much easier this way! I wonder what our parents are going to say about this, I don't care if they're not happy though because this is our bit of happiness not theirs. God I love you so much and I know I'm going to love this baby just as much. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to be a good dad though but I'll try my best.  
  
As Claire starts to move I realise what a fool I've been. She was awake the whole time and probably just heard what I've just said. I should learn from my mistakes really because I've done this before and felt such an idiot afterwards. She turns over and snuggles up close to me, touching my face with her hand to let me know that she heard me and understands. I hold her in my arms again and we just stare into each others eyes. Eventually she breaks the silence.  
  
Claire: I know you're going to a brilliant dad. You're going to be a dad that everyone else wants!  
  
I don't think so some how.  
  
Claire: Believe me you're going to be great.  
  
Lets hope so.  
  
As she falls asleep in my arms later on that night I'm still thinking about being a good father. What if I'm not and my own son or daughter ends up hating me? I know I'm being stupid but the prospect of it all just scares me. I know I'll get over it in time well I'll have to for Claire's and the baby's sake. 


	11. Not So Welcome.

Just as I thought everything was going great I got another letter, it was pretty much the same as the last one and I wasn't exactly impressed. She said that she's coming to see me because we need to talk but I don't want to talk to her, I don't even want to see her again. Apart from that little mishap everythings going fine. We went for a scan the other day and it was great to see my baby moving around inside Claire, not that it looks much like a baby. Well it does in a way I suppose. We found out from the first scan that the baby is due on June10. It's actually Christmas eve and we've decided that we are going to stay at home, I was debating going to Wales but I decided against it, so now we're going to Claire's parents house.  
  
I spent a lot of time thinking about what to get Claire for Christmas and to be honest I've actually brought loads of things for the baby. I have brought Claire a nice new car though and an engagement ring, I'm going to propose tonight. I'm extremely nervous but I think she will say yes that's why I waited so long because I wanted to be sure that she wanted this. Now I'm sure this is what she wants and I'm hoping to spend the rest of my life with her. Claire's upstairs right now doing God knows what, I'm cooking her a special dinner and I've even got some non alcoholic wine stuff so that everything is perfect. Just as I'm checking how long things take to cook there's a knock at the door.  
  
What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Voice: You didn't reply to any of my letters so I had to come here.  
  
I only just got one of the letters today!  
  
Voice: Can I come in and talk?  
  
No you bloody can't.  
  
Voice: Well can we go somewhere else then?  
  
No!  
  
Voice: You're not being very fair Ian!  
  
I slam the door in her face and then lock it, of course she doesn't go away and I know she's going to cause some kind of trouble. I think about sneaking out the back door but that means Claire will be left all alone here with that lunatic out there. She knocks frantically on the door and keeps shouting my name and then Claire starts.  
  
Claire: IAN!  
  
Coming babe.  
  
I walk upstairs and find Claire in the bath, she looks so beautiful even though she doesn't look too pleased with me at the moment. I bend down beside of the bath and look at her whilst blanking out the frantic name calling coming from outside. Claire looks at me and I know she's going to ask what's going on.  
  
Claire: Why aren't you answering the door?  
  
I have and its just someone from my past who I don't want to see again.  
  
Claire: Yeah but if they're are going to knock on that door like that all day they're going to give everyone a headache.  
  
I know but they won't go away.  
  
Claire: Well just go and calm them down a bit will you.  
  
Sure babes.  
  
I make my way back downstairs and head towards the front door, I really don't want to open it and see her again but I also don't want Claire to get a headache or be in a mood with me. I unlock the door and put my hand on the door handle and slowly open the door. As I open the door I rub my eyes in disbelief. What meets me on the otherside is not exactly what I expected. 


	12. A Blast From The Past.

Voice: Are you going to let me in now?  
  
NO!  
  
Voice: You are stupid, I'm not affraid to use this.  
  
Oh I know you aren't but it don't bother me.  
  
Voice: I mean it Ian just let me in.  
  
Go on just do it, Just pull the trigger. Shoot me!  
  
I know I sound silly saying that and I'm shit scared that she might actually pull the trigger but if she loves me like she says she does then she won't do it. I know its a big chance to take but I'm taking that chance. She looks at me and places her hand on the trigger and I'm beginning to think that I've just made the biggest mistake of my life. Then she just lowers the gun.  
  
Voice: I won't shoot you in the head because that would kill you.  
  
Where you going to shoot me then?  
  
Voice: *Aiming the gun* Here.  
  
So If I do actually want you and you shoot me there well I don't think you'll want me anymore!  
  
She puts the gun away and looks at me.  
  
Voice: You mean you want me?  
  
No of course I don't, I was just trying to save myself.  
  
I quickly run inside and close the door. I decide its best not to stand near the door just incase she decides to shoot throught it. I walk upstairs and go into my bedroom, Claire is sitting on the bed in her dressing gown drying her hair. She smiles at me and I just sit down on the bed and watch her, she can see me in the mirror and I know I'm pissing her off. She doesn't like it when I just sit there staring at her, she says its off putting. But I can't help it, I'm so in love with her. Claire gets up and goes downstairs, I hear the front door open and then I hear a gun shot. I quickly run downstairs, fearing the worst. 


	13. Thing Starting To Work Out At Last.

When I get to the front door she's standing there shaking and holding the gun in her hand then I look down and see Claire lying on the floor. I quickly bend down and turn her over so I can see her face, her eyes are closed and she is still breathing. I can't see any blood or anything then I notice the bullet lying on the floor by the kitchen door and relief rushes through me. Claire opens her eyes and looks towards me, I grab hold of her and cuddle her tightly. I turn outside to see that she's still standing there staring at me.  
  
I'd get out of here before I call the police.  
  
Voice: But I need to talk.  
  
If you think I'm ever going to speak to you again after this you've got another thing coming!  
  
She sighs and leaves, I close the door and carry Claire upstairs to bed. I put her down on the bed gently and then lay beside her.  
  
Claire: Are you ok?  
  
Yeah I'm fine. How about you? You're not feeling ill or got stomach pains or anything have you.  
  
Claire: *smiling* Ian darling I'm fine really I am but its nice to know you care so much.  
  
After that little incident I decided that maybe proposing wasn't the right thing to do well not at that moment in time. That didn't stop me though I actually asked her on Christmas day and I remember as if it was yesterday. It was late in the evening and we had just got back from her parents, I took her upstairs to the bedroom and then I got down on one knee.  
  
Claire: Ian what are you doing?  
  
Will you marry me?  
  
Claire: Yes of course I will.  
  
Claire grabbed hold of me, pulled me onto the bed and held me tightly in her arms whilst kissing me gently. Everything just felt so right in that moment when she said yes and the moments afterwards when we just stayed on the bed together holding each other in our arms.  
  
I'm so glad I asked her and now we've been engaged for nearly four months and life is great. Claire only has about a month of the pregnancy left and the doctor said that both Claire and the baby are healthy and that there should be a natural birth. I think I'm looking forward to the birth more than Claire but that's understandable because she's the one who's got to go through all the pain. I just wish I could help in some way. We're going to Wales to see my parents today and are planning to stay there until the day after my birthday and then we'll have a few weeks to prepare for our babies arrival. I've put everything in the car now and I'm just waiting for Claire to get ready but as usual that takes her years to complete. Finally she's ready and we start our long and tiring journey to Wales. We've just arrived and already Claire looks exhausted so as soon as everyone's said hello I'm going to take her upstairs for a rest. Everybodies really fussing over Claire and asking her loads of questions about how the pregnancy has been and all that stuff. It is starting to annoy me because surely they must have noticed that Claire looks extremely pale and tired or it could just be me worrying too much. 


	14. That's Family For You!

I'm really not enjoying myself here at all and that's mainly because people won't give us any space and they're treating Claire like an invalid. They won't let her do anything they have to do it for her and I know it's not just me who's bothered by it. Mum doesn't have any other double beds apart from her own and one in Jamie's room so Claire is in my room and because both of my brothers and Jamie's girlfriend are here it means I'm sleeping on the sofa. I don't sleep at night any more because I can't go to bed until everyone else has gone and I can't get to sleep because the sofa hurts my back too much.  
  
Claire has just told me that her back is really hurting her and that's because the matress on my bed is no good. I'm going to have to talk to my mum and get her to move Claire out of my room because this is meant to be a unstressful holiday not a stressful and painful one! It's still early so Claire is trying to get some more sleep whilst I go and talk to my mum.  
  
Mum we need to talk!  
  
Gaynor: Don't use that tone with me Ian and anyway its do you have time to talk please mum?  
  
Well do you?  
  
Gaynor: Yes if you're quick.  
  
I want you to move Claire into a different room.  
  
Gaynor: Why?  
  
My bed is hurting her back because that matress is old.  
  
Gaynor: It's going to hurt anyone's back who sleeps on it.  
  
Yeah but Claire's pregnant!  
  
I walk off and ignore my mum, I can hear her saying something but I don't care and anyway its not too long until we'll be leaving and going back to the comfort of our own home. Time does seem to be going rather quickly here and now there's only five days until my birthday so I'm going to have to think of some excuse to why I don't want a party or why I just want to spend the evening alone with Claire. My mum will be planning something, I just know she will.  
  
At the moment I'm just making Claire some breakfast then we'll go for a little drive to get away from my annoying family, I'm starting to think it was a big mistake coming here. I know I should be happy because they all love Claire so much but I just think that they're being a bit over powering that's all.  
  
Gaynor: Ian I've talked to your brothers but they've decided that because you're going home in two days that there's no point in changing rooms.  
  
One day actually!  
  
Gaynor: No but you'll be staying till tomorrow evening won't you? And anyway I thought you were going to stay until the day after your birthday.  
  
No we won't, we'll be going first thing tomorrow morning. Actually I think we'll go right now!  
  
Gaynor: Ian you don't have to.  
  
I shout to Claire and get all our bags ready before putting everything in the car. Claire comes downstairs and says bye to everyone and I even heard her apologising to my mum which I'm not happy about. This wouldn't of happened if my mum had thought things through properly. Claire gets in the car and I turn to my family and all I can bring myself to say is "See you around." I hear my mum muttering on about the baby and to make sure I ring her as soon as Claire goes into labour but I'm not going to because they will just all jump straight into the car and arrive at the hospital and that's not what I want. When our baby enters the world it will be mine and Claire's special moment, nobody elses! 


	15. Additions.

We've only been home five minutes but already Claire is fast asleep in bed but I however am not. I'm just thinking that maybe I might of been a bit harsh on my parents before. I suppose I'll apologise later. I'm now in bed and still thinking about it but I know I shouldn't be because it's only making me depressed. I place my hand on Claire's stomach and feel it move beneath my hand but it doesn't feel like the baby kicking. I don't think anything of it until it happens again about thirty minutes later. Claire is still asleep so I think I'm just going to go to sleep. The clock has just turned midnight when I'm woken up.  
  
Claire: Ian?  
  
What's wrong babe?  
  
Claire: I think I'm getting contractions.  
  
Don't be stupid it's not the tenth of June yet it's only May 8.............  
  
Suddenly I remember my dream which I had about nine months ago, the one which told me that Claire was going to have my baby on my birthday. I can't believe it's actually coming true.  
  
Ok darling lets just get you to the hospital.  
  
Claire: Ok. I need my bag and I don't have a thing ready.  
  
It's ok I'll do it now.  
  
I frantically run around the room putting stuff in a bag whilst Claire sits on the bed holding her stomach and telling me what she needs. After about ten minutes I've got the bag ready and I'm carrying Claire out to the car, I put her in the back so that she's got more room. I ring the hospital and tell them we're on our way.  
  
So far the staff at the hospital have been great. We've been here four hours now and Claire's contractions are slowly getting faster, she's having them every five minutes at the moment. I'm staying in this room because I really don't want to miss a thing, I haven't even rung anyone to tell them about Claire going into labour.  
  
We've been here six hours now and the birth is progressing nicely according to the doctors. Holding Claire's hand just makes me feel so helpless but it's all I can do to help her until the baby's born. She's been swearing at me a bit but she's also apologised for that and the the doctors have told me its normal and Claire seems to be taking the birth really well.  
  
Our babies just arrived after seven long hours of Claire being in pain. It's a little boy and the doctors are just passing him over to Claire. She's crying but then again so am I, he's very small but that's because he's premature. He's gorgeous, looks like me but he definately has some of Claire's features. Claire looks up at me.  
  
Claire: He's gorgeous.  
  
Yeah he's perfect. This is the best birthday present ever.  
  
I watch our son as he blinks up at me and Claire trying to discover who we are. I kiss Claire and tell her that I'm proud of her, really proud. I'm still crying, I just can't help it I'm so happy! This is the best moment of my life and I'm glad that I'm sharing it with Claire, I couldn't live without her. Claire really couldn't of given me a better birthday present, she really nows how to make me happy and right now I'm the happiest man alive. All that's left to do now is to name our son!  
  
After a few hours of thinking we still haven't managed to come up with a suitable name for our son. I really wanted a girl but I'm extremely happy with a boy and if I'd listened to my dream then I would of known Claire was having a boy. I don't want to have a baby to show people or tell them about but not be able to tell them his name. Claire is tired but doesn't want to go to sleep because she is too wrapped up in our gorgeous baby boy.  
  
Claire's just fallen asleep and we've finally decided on a name for our little angel. We're going to call him Owen, its not a very popular name but I like to be different and we most certainly didn't name him after a certain football player! Owen's the best thing that's ever happened to me, it seems like only months ago that I was sitting at home alone thinking this is me all alone for the rest of my life but now that's all changed, the two people I've got in my life now are perfect. I couldn't ask for anything more! 


	16. I Was Wrong!

We've just brought Owen home from the hospital and he seems to be procressing well for a premature baby. Claire's moaning about the extra weight she's obtained since she became pregnant but its not much and she seems to be losing it very quickly. I've stayed at the hospital everyday and night and believe me their food is disguting, I was sneaking Mc Donalds and things in each night. I did get caught once but the doctor kept quiet about it so the next night I returned the favour by buying him one.  
  
I'm glad we're home now but tonight isn't going to be easy for me because now I've got to pick up that phone and tell my parents that Claire gave birth four days ago and I really have to apologise to my parents for being so mean. They're going to hate me for walking out like I did and also for not telling them about the baby sooner, I know this sounds bad but I was just so happy and proud that I forgot all about telling them. I don't really regret leaving earlier because if we had stayed Claire would of had Owen in Wales and that's not what either of us wanted but that still doesn't make it right. Claire was cross with me for talking to my mum like I did but I've told her I'm sorry and she said that it was ok. She told me I have to apologise to my mum so that's what I'm going to do when Claire gets off that phone, she's been on it for hours chatting to God knows who.  
  
Claire: Ian you can use the phone now darling.  
  
Thanks. So who have you been talking to then?  
  
Claire: Brian.  
  
Just Brian?  
  
Claire: Yeah he's coming over later to see Owen. I invited him for tea.  
  
Ok then. Brian's seen more of Owen than anybody else has.  
  
Claire: Yeah I know but its sweet though isn't it? Brian absolutely adores him.  
  
Yeah it is sweet.  
  
I pick up the phone and take it up into the bedroom so I can sit and watch Owen while I talk to my mum. Owen's asleep and is snuggled up to a small cuddly toy which was sent by Faye, its nice to know she still cares! I pick up the phone and dial the number. It rings and rings and rings but finally my mum answers.  
  
Gaynor: Hello.  
  
Hi mum!  
  
Gaynor: Ian!  
  
Yeah its me and I just want to say I'm really sorry about before and just leaving like we did.  
  
Gaynor: Like you did you mean, you dragged poor Claire along with you.  
  
So I was meant to leave her with you was I and let her drive back on her own?  
  
Gaynor: That's not what I meant!  
  
Sorry. I really am sorry for everything, please forgive me Mum.  
  
Gaynor: I forgive you darling, I was in the wrong too and I'm sorry.  
  
Mum are you sitting down?  
  
Gaynor: No why?  
  
Just sit down Mum.  
  
Gaynor: Ok now what's going on Ian?  
  
Claire's had the baby.  
  
Gaynor: Oh my God labour must of been fast if you didn't have a chance to ring us before.  
  
Not exactly. Well the labour lasted ten hours but that was four days ago!  
  
Gaynor: IAN WATKINS!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I just forgot Mum. When you see him you'll understand why, he's gorgeous, when you look at him he just takes your breath away. He's absolutely perfect!  
  
Gaynor: *crying* I've got a grandson, awww that's wonderful news.  
  
Not too disappionted it was a boy then?  
  
Gaynor: Oh no darling I'm sure you'll give me many more grandchildren in the future. What have you called him?  
  
Owen Robert.  
  
Gaynor: Aww what a lovely name.  
  
I've got to go now, I love you.  
  
Gaynor: Love you too darling, we'll drive down to see you tomorrow. Bye.  
  
The phone goes dead and I have to calm myself. I hate it when they do that just tell you they're coming over but don't ask if its ok. Oh well I'll have to sort some of the spare rooms out for them, I don't even know who's coming down! Owen's still asleep and I just sit watching him for a while just thinking about how perfect he is. This is all I've ever wanted, a family to love and protect through good and bad. I feel creating a new life is one of the best things you can ever do and I feel a better man for doing so! 


	17. Aww How Sweet.

Brian has just arrived and is fussing over Owen, he's brought him lots of lovely things. Cute cuddly toys, moving picture lights and mobiles for his cot and clothes. Brian really has been generous. Brian has become one of mine and Claire's best mates and we wouldn't chance him for the world, he really is a lovely bloke and a brilliant friend. I'm glad he's came round tonight because we haven't had a good laugh with him for ages. Claire's got her heart set on Brian being little Owen's Godfather and I want that too but will Brian? I think he will because I've seen the way he looks at Owen and the way he talks to him, its just so sweet. I wish some other people were here with us now, I always thought this would be a thing we'd all share together but I couldn't have been more wrong!  
  
Brian: He really is perfect isn't he?  
  
He sure is!  
  
Claire: Brian would you like to be Owen's Godfather?  
  
Brian has started crying and Owen who is in Brian's arms seems to be rather confused. I think he's just happy that we asked him to be the Godfather but that's not all we've got to ask him. He calmed down a bit he said he'd love to be and then we dropped another bomb shell on him. We asked him to be best man at our wedding, I did think about asking one of my brothers but if I asked one the other would be upset so its just better this way. Anyway I know Brian's a true friend and won't embarrass us too much in his speech on the big day. Brian looks at me and says "Oh I'm not sure Ian I'll have to think about it." I can't help but feel disappointed by what Brian has said. " Ha ha got ya." Then I realise he was just joking and I bloody feel for it, Claire and Brian think its really funny but I don't. He really scared me I thought that maybe we weren't that good friends, ok ok I know I'm being stupid.  
  
Brian: Sorry if I upset you.  
  
No its ok you didn't upset me, just shocked me.  
  
Brian: Sorry.  
  
We've had a great night tonight we watched Tv ordered a pizza had a few drinks, well Claire was just on water. Brian's just gone and now I'm going to have a bath and take Owen in with me. He doesn't like being in the little baby bath and he closes his eyes and grips tightly to your finger, its quite sweet actually but you also feel bad because he doesn't like it. The midwife has said that babies somtimes like to be in a bigger bath with their parents so that's what Claire tried when we were still at the hospital and he absolutely loved it. So now its my turn to bath him and get him ready for bed.  
  
I can't stop looking at his little smiling face, the doctors told us its just wind but I don't think so. His eyes are so big and blue and shimmer in the light, looking at him tonight has made me realise he most definately has a cute nose like Claire's! Wonder if he'll be a singer and screw up his nose like his mum does, aww I think its cute. As I'm running the bath Owen gets fed up and starts to cry, well you can't really call it crying. I notice that he's doing the nose thing awww how cute. I don't know whether he'll like getting in here with me but here goes, slowly I get into the bath and place Owen on my chest so that most of his chest and all of his head aren't in the water. Claire walks in and puts her hand into the water. Suddenly she grabs Owen off of my chest and gives him a cuddle.  
  
Claire: Did you even check this water before you got in?  
  
What do you mean.............  
  
Claire: The temperature of it!  
  
Yeah its fine.  
  
Claire: For you maybe but not for Owen.  
  
He was fine, he would of cried if it was hurting him.  
  
Claire: He's baking hot! I can't leave you to do anything on your own can I!  
  
Claire wraps Owen up in a towel and takes him out of the room. I feel so bad I really thought the water would be ok for him, he wasn't crying or anything and he seemed happy! I always have to mess up with something though, I can't ever seem to do anything right anymore. I can't talk to my parents without upsetting them I can't even bath my own son properly. I get out of the bath but leave the water in as I know full well Claire will give Owen a bath instead, I then start walking upstairs and go and lie down on my bed. I can't help the tears flowing down my cheeks.  
  
A while later I walk into the bathroom to find Claire lying in the bath with Owen on her chest. Owen looks at me and seems to smile, he starts to move around a lot and splash a bit of water. With one quick move of his left arm water comes flying out of the bath and all over me.  
  
Claire: Hey you getting daddy all wet.  
  
Claire I'm so............  
  
Claire: No I'm sorry I just over reacted, I didn't mean to upset you or talk to you like I did. I was just worried.  
  
It's ok I understand.  
  
Claire: You never really got the bath you wanted so get in.  
  
I get in the bath with Claire and Owen. I rest my chin on Claire's shoulder so I get a good view of our son and I gently touch the top of his head. Owen looks up at me and Claire and shows us a cute little smile. Both me and Claire speak at the same time "Awwwww" I close my eyes for a short while and think about my parents coming round the next day. They're all going to love Owen but then again who wouldn't! 


	18. Parents.

It's ten oclock and none of my family have arrived yet and I thought they were all rushing down to see him. Well actually I'm glad they're not here yet because that means I have a bit of time to clear up a bit from when Brian was round. Claire and Owen are going down the shops for a while but knowing her it will be several hours before she gets home, I wanted to go with them but if no one's her when my parents arrive they'll be trouble. I kiss both Claire and Owen goodbye then set off on the house work. After about an hour of not too good cleaning there's a knock at the door. I walk to the window and see my Mum, Dad, Jamie and Alyn on the path, great I think to myself as I go to open the door.  
  
Gaynor: Where's my little grandson then?  
  
He's not here at the moment.  
  
Gaynor: What do you mean he's not here?  
  
My Mum and the rest of the family push past me and dump all their bags in the living room, they move all Owen's things onto the floor and turn on the TV. I feel myself starting to get angry again but I know I can't shout at them or be mean to them like I have in the past. Claire's not going to be too happy when she comes home and finds that they've already messed up the living and have now started on the kitchen.  
  
Gaynor: Where is he then?  
  
Claire's taken him shopping with her.  
  
Gaynor: How rude when she knew full well that we were coming here.  
  
Mum the whole world doesn't revolve around you.  
  
I hear the front door open and quickly try to pick some of the things up off the floor, my Mum however has run straight out into the hallway to see Owen. I follow her and see that Claire's brought loads of things for Owen, I smile at her and she smiles back. My mum grabs the sleeping Owen out of his buggy causing him to wake up and start to moan, she takes him into the living room and starts talking to him.  
  
Gaynor: Awww your Daddy was right you're absolutely gorgeous, you must get that from your Mum.  
  
Owen starts to pull a funny face then for the first time ever starts screaming, Claire quickly rushes over to calm him down.  
  
Claire: I'll take him.  
  
Gaynor: No I know how to calm a baby down, just go and sit down and rest.  
  
Claire: But he.................  
  
Gaynor: I'm fine with him.  
  
Claire walks out of the room and I decide to follow, I find her crying in the kitchen. I walk up to her and bring her into a hug.  
  
Claire: You never told me they were all coming.  
  
I didn't know. Owen doesn't seem to like Mum much.  
  
Claire: He's hungry, I didn't get a chance to feed him when we were out because he fell asleep but he should of been feed about an hour ago. Your Mum just wants to be with him and I understand that but he needs feeding right now.  
  
It's ok darling I'll get him off her.  
  
As we walk back into the room Owen is still screaming and my brothers don't look too impressed, I take him out of my Mum's arms and pass him to Claire before anything can be said. Owen automatically calms down and Claire wipes away his tears before lifting up her top to feed him. I notice both Jamie and Alyn look intrested all of a sudden but its ok because Dad's noticed them and told them off. Owen holds on tightly to Claire's finger as he gets his feed.  
  
Claire: So are you planning to stay long?  
  
Gaynor: Well we were thinking of staying for about two weeks.  
  
Claire quickly looks down at Owen and I think to myself no way are they staying that long. Soon an uneasy silence feels the room but I'm relieved when the phone starts to ring. I answer it and its Claire's mum but she sounds very upset.  
  
What's happened?  
  
Nina: I really need to talk to Claire.  
  
I get Claire who walks to the phone still feeding Owen, I stand behind her and help her support Owen whilst she talks to her mum.  
  
Nina: It's your Dad.  
  
Claire: What about Dad?  
  
Nina: He's been rushed into hospital.  
  
Claire: Into hospital why??  
  
Nina: He's very sick Claire and I don't know how long he can hold on. I just want him to be able to see you all again, I mean he's only seen little Owen twice.  
  
Claire breaks down in tears and I too become worried as I have heard some of the conversation and I know even though my parents are going to make a massive fuss I just going to have to leave them alone. We need to get to that hospital now, if Robert never gets to see Owen again I'll never forgive myself. 


	19. Home Truths.

I run into the living room and start grabing some of Owen's things off the floor and packing them into a bag. I can see my parents watching me and wondering what I'm doing. I hear Owen crying in the hallway, he's upset because Claire's stopped feeding him when he was still a little hungry. Claire appears at the door with Owen in his car seat and then I turn to my parents.  
  
There's been an emergency and we need to get to the hospital so you can all stay here or go out somewhere.  
  
Robert: What kind of emergency?  
  
Claire's dad's very ill and they're not sure how long he'll be able to hold on for, so we need to take Owen to see him.  
  
Gaynor: I don't want my grandson around a sick man, he may catch something!  
  
I grab Claire's arm and pull her out of the room and into the car. We quickly rush to the hospital and into Robert's room. Claire breaks down in tears and I feel a single tear rush down my cheek, Owen is still not pleased about being disturbed whilst feeding so Claire finishes off feeding him. I sit down and talk to Nina about what is actually wrong and how my parents have been behaving. After a while Robert suddenly starts to move and sit up, his skin is as white as a sheet and his eyes look blurred and unfocused.  
  
Claire: Dad would you like to hold Owen?  
  
Robert: Have you finished feeding him and burping him.  
  
Claire: *smiling* Yes.  
  
Robert: Ok pass him here.  
  
Claire passes Owen to Robert and Owen looks like he's going to start crying but luckily he decides not to. Robert however starts to get very emotional and I start to feel very uneasy about being in the room, afterall I'm not exactly family! Well I will be soon but what upsets me the most is Robert probably won't be there to give Claire away at least I know we have his blessing. Nina also looks really pale and I can tell she is really worried, Gemma looks more scared than anything else and Claire well Claire looks shocked, upset and in need of a cuddle. I stand up and go over to Claire before picking her up and putting her on my lap, I hug her tightly and allow her to cry silently in my arms.  
  
Robert: Hey don't cry Claire, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to give up yet I've got too much going on in my life right now haven't I Owen?  
  
Owen makes a little sound which sounds rather like a gigle and Robert smiles. After about three hours of being at the hospital I am really surprised that Owen hasn't fallen to sleep or started to get bored, he seems extremely happy laying in his Granddad's arms.  
  
We've just got home and all Claire wants to do is have a nice soak in the bath with Owen, put him to bed and then get into bed herself but I've got a feeling that's not going to happen. My Mum of course is wanting to hold Owen again and Claire is trying to explain that its late and he needs to go to bed. In the end Claire wins and goes off to have her bath. I make them all a cup of tea and take a Vodka for myself and sit in the living room watching TV.  
  
Jamie: When are we actually going to get to hold our nephew?  
  
Tomorrow ok, you just came at a bad time.  
  
Alyn: But just remember he has two families.  
  
Claire's Dad is ill and that's why we went today and I'm sorry if you have a problem with that.  
  
Gaynor: Boys just go to your rooms and behave yourselves please.  
  
I watch them leave and down my whole glass of Vodka before going into the kitchen to think about things. Don't get me wrong I love my parents to bits I really do but they always seem to come at the wrong time. Since I've been going out with Claire I think things have changed a lot but for the better. I became more protective because it wasn't just me I had to look out for it was Claire aswell and then when she told me she was pregnant I was just so happy. I knew I had to mature a lot to be able to be anything like a good father and now I have Owen to think about aswell and if anything is said or done which will hurt or upset either Owen or Claire it is my job to have a go. At first I was really scared of doing things like that but now its starting to come very naturally to me which to some extent is a bit worrying. At the end of the day I love all my family but no one could ever compare or have the same amount of love from me to that of which I give to Owen and Claire. They are my world, my everything! 


	20. I have to change

When morning comes I'm dreading what my parents are going to be like. The phone has already rung twice and mananged to wake Owen up both times, it was the hospital just letting us know that Robert is starting to make some improvements. Claire got up an hour ago and went to feed Owen in the living room because it hurts her back feeding him in bed. She hasn't come back in so I guess that means my mum's talking to her. I get up and walk along the hallway, the house sounds really quite.  
  
Gaynor: Morning Ian.  
  
Where's Claire?  
  
Gaynor: Morning Mum, how are you? Yes I'm fine thanks Ian!  
  
Where's Claire?  
  
Gaynor: I don't know.  
  
You mean you haven't seen her this morning?  
  
Gaynor: I just said I hadn't. She hasn't gone out again has she, we'll never get time with Owen at this rate!  
  
Calm down Mum you'll see him later.  
  
I walk towards the rooms where Jamie and Alyn are staying and knock before I go into Jamie's. He's fast asleep so I just leave him and go towards Alyn's room, I stop outside the door and can hear crying so I listen in. I can hear Alyn talking to someone so I go in. I see him sitting on the bed with Owen in his arms.  
  
Where the hell is Claire?  
  
Alyn: She had to go out.  
  
Where?  
  
Alyn: She didn't say.  
  
I'm fuming and I take Owen from Alyn's arms and walk out letting the door slam behind me. I take Owen into the bathroom and give him a wash before starting to get him dressed then the nappies and changing stuff get chucked into a bag. I leave a note on the side telling everyone I've gone to the hospital. When I get there I'm told that Claire isn't there and hasn't been there at all today. I walk around the town in a daze looking for her, worring about where she could be. I go into a small cafe for a drink and that's when I notice her sitting talking to some bloke, its not until I get nearer that I realise its Lee.  
  
Well Well long time no see!  
  
Claire: H what are you doing here?  
  
Looking for you.  
  
Claire: But why?  
  
Because I was worried that's why. I thought something really bad had happened to your dad but then I found out that wasn't true and I thought you just wouldn't go out and not take Owen so I came looking for you. I thought something really bad had happened to you then I get here and find you with him!  
  
Claire: You could have just rung my mobile!  
  
Just get up and meet me by the car, take Owen with you.  
  
Claire: I'm talking to Lee.  
  
I don't care just get out to that car.  
  
I watch Claire get up and she takes Owen from me before walking off to the car. I sit down opposite Lee and finish of Claire's coffee before turning to face Lee.  
  
You just stay away from us ok?  
  
Lee: Why?  
  
Because you've made my life hell, making everyone think we're the bad one's.  
  
Lee: I never once said that!  
  
Whatever Lee, just stay away from Claire.  
  
When we arrive back home I kind of feel guilty, I was just really shocked to see Lee with Claire. I shouldn't have acted like I did but Claire won't listen to what I've got to say, she won't even speak to me. My whole family of course have sided with Claire and keep telling me that I was wrong but the whole point is I know that already they don't need to tell me. Dad's holding Owen and Claire's cooking dinner, Alyn and Jamie are playing on the Xbox and I'm about to go and talk to Claire. I walk into the kitchen unsure of what to say.  
  
Claire: Piss off Ian.  
  
I'm sorry, it's just that I love you so much and I want to protect you but I can't do that if I don't know where you are. When I saw you with Lee I was just so shocked and saw him as a threat. I'm still cross about the blaming issue aswell so that didn't help but if you want to see him again then I'm not going to stop you. I love you Claire and I love Owen and I don't want to lose you. Please forgive me.  
  
Claire has a small tear running down her cheek and I wipe it away before bringing her into a hug. She hugs me back and I know i haven't lost her, I don't deserve her I really don't. I'm going to have to stop snapping at people like this, its not fair on them and I don't want Owen to grow up thikning that's the normal thing to do. I believe children can only be as good as their parents allow them to be, well that is until they become an adult themselves. If I don't bring Owen up properly he won't live his life to the full, I have to change for Owen's sake. Right now I need to be strong just incase something terrible happens to Robert and Claire needs my support. I was right all along I make a rubbish dad, I just knew I would! 


	21. Does Good Over Rule Bad?

My parents have now been here 122 hours, thrity three mintues and counting. That's how much fun I'm having at the moment. Robert is still in hospital but is improving greatly, we've taken Owen to see him several more times and he absolutely loves his granddad. Me and Claire had a long talk about things and me not thinking I'm a good dad but she managed to convince me that I am. It was a lovely talk and I'm glad we had it. Its hard because we're not getting much privacy at the moment, my parents are starting to realise we need more space and are going out in the evenings. They took Owen to the park the other day but he cried and cried so they had to bring him home.  
  
Gaynor: Ian can I have a word?  
  
Sure Mum.  
  
Gaynor: I'd like you to have a chance to celebrate your birthday.  
  
Mum its ok, Owen was a celebration in his own little way.  
  
Gaynor: No I want you and Claire to go out and enjoy yourselves.  
  
What about Owen?  
  
Gaynor: If Claire puts him to bed before you go out then he'll be fine.  
  
Well we can only be gone for four hours then.  
  
Gaynor: Why?  
  
Claire needs to feed Owen!  
  
Gaynor: She can just put some milk in the fridge. It's all sorted you can go out tonight, I've already spoken to Claire about it.  
  
I walk into the bedroom and Claire is lying on the bed I stand watching her for a while before sitting next to her. I know that tonight's going to be great even though I'm slightly worried about leaving Owen with them because he doesn't seem to like my parents much. Its probably just because he misses Claire when they take him out so he cries for her.  
  
We've decided to go to a posh little restaurant in London , its a chinese and sells lovely food. The atmosphere in there is just so relaxing and perfect for a romantic night together. Claire's taking ages to get ready as usual but then again I'm not ready either, I'm having a bit of trouble doing my tie because I never really wear one. I'll have to ask Claire to help me which means we'll be later than we already are. Claire walks into the hallway and my jaw drops, she looks drop dead gorgeous. She's wearing a stunning black dress and shoes with a small handbag. I just want to forget the meal and not even bother to go out I'd be perfectly fine right here with her, Claire smiles at me and takes my hand. We go into the nursery to kiss our son goodnight.  
  
Are you sure he's going to be alright?  
  
Claire: Not really but I just want us to have a good night out together after all he is in safe hands.  
  
Yeah I'm sure he'll be ok.  
  
Claire: He looks so cute when he's sleeping, just like his dad!  
  
Aww yeah he does look cute but I don't.  
  
Claire: Believe me you do.  
  
I kiss Claire passionately then we say goodbye to my parents then set off to the restaurant. We order our meal then start to talk about wedding plans, I want to get married as soon as we can but I also respect what Claire wants and I'm willing to compremise. Claire said next year in August would be nice but I've managed to get her to agree to next June so we'll have to start planning and booking a church soon or we'll be out of luck. Owen's going to look so cute in a little suit and I know Claire's going to look gorgeous, I just can't wait for that day, the day Claire officially becomes Mrs Watkins. Its going to be one of the happiest moments of my life but even still nothing can compare to mine and Claire's first night together and the birth of our son.  
  
The meal was lovely and we got to catch up a bit on things as we haven't been able to talk much alone at home. We've decided that we're going to go back to work soon but Owen will have to come with us. Claire's mum has offered to come on tour with us and look after Owen so that we can still see him but don't need to worry about him whilst we're on stage. But I bet that won't stop me worring about him, Claire told me that, that in itself is showing I'm a great dad and maybe just maybe she's right. If anyone ever took Owen and Claire away from me then I know for sure I wouldn't be able to carry on with my life.  
  
After the gun iccedent I thought I'd never see her again but she proved me wrong. She was back here this evening telling my brother how fit she thought he was and how she's my girlfriend. Jamie took me aside when I arrived home and told me all about her visit whilst Mum told Claire how unsettled Owen had been. Its taken me about two hours now to explain to Jamie about what's been going on, I've sworn him to secrecy. Of course Claire now about all of it but I don't want anybody else to find out. Owen wouldn't drink his milk from the bottle and is now extremely hungry but now he won't take milk from Claire either and has an extremely high temperature. I think we're going to end back up at the hospital before the night is through. I pray to God we don't but I also don't want my son to die, that wouldn't be fair. I can't lose him now not after everything we've been through recently. 


	22. Owen

We took Owen to the hospital that night and waited anxiously whilst the doctors performed tests to see what was wrong with him. After the first lot of tests they still didn't know what was wrong with him, Owen of course was continuing to cry and I just wanted to pick him up and hold him tightly in my arms. Claire sat quietly for most of the night just staring into space, I hugged her and told her everything would be ok even though I wasn't sure it would be. I closed my eyes not meaning to fall asleep but I did and in that time they had got the test results back and knew what was wrong. They told us he just had a bad case of the flu and that with some small treatments he should be ok.  
  
Claire and me were both relieved that our little angel was going to be fine, this however did lead into a big argument with my parents. My mum said that we weren't looking after Owen properly and she should stay longer to help us. I was so mad and in the end they decided it would be best if they left that night, so now they're gone and Owen's back home with us, he's fine now but I still worry about him a lot more than before. I have to get up several times a night to go and check on him, to make sure he's still breathing.  
  
Claire: Ian I'm going shopping are you coming?  
  
Yeah sure.  
  
Claire: Well do you want to get Owen dressed then?  
  
Of course.  
  
I pick Owen up out of his cot and give him a big cuddle and kiss, he looks up and me and makes several baby noises. He really does look so cute and sweet. I give him a quick wash then look through the mountains and mountains of clothes that he's got, I can't decide what to put on him. Then the doorbell sounds so I go downstairs to answer it, I'm not dressed and am just in my dressing gown, my hair is a right mess and I need a shave. The postman looks rather shocked as he holds the parcel towards me and asks me to sign a form.  
  
Postman: Sorry did I wake you?  
  
No not at all I was just trying to get this little on ready.  
  
Postman: Ok well here you go. Have a nice day.  
  
You too.  
  
I take the parcel and go back inside closing the door behind me. I put Owen down and look at the parcel, I recognize the writing but can't think who's it is. I open it to find its from Faye, there's a few cute baby outfits inside and a letter addressed to Claire, I don't open that but I decide to put Owen in one of his new outfits. It's a blue pair of dungarees with a small little dog on the front and a posh little blue checked shirt to go with it. He looks so cute in it and I'm pleased Faye sent it.  
  
Claire: Where did that outfit come from? It's so sweet!  
  
A parcel just came from Faye and there's a letter for you.  
  
Claire: Oh right I'll read it later.  
  
I knew Claire wouldn't read it in front of me because of how I reacted when I caught her having that coffee with Lee. I know I really overacted then and told her I don't mind if she sees them all again but I think deep down she's not sure if I really will be ok with it if it happens. I don't really want them back, I know it sounds mean but my life is finally perfect and if getting them back could wreck that then I'm not taking any chances.  
  
We've been down the town for about an hour now and have brought lots of things as usual. I'm having a great time, a lot of fans have run over to see Owen and said how cute he was before asking for our autographs. Didn't real pressured by them at all and was happy to talk to them, some even ran off then came back with some really cute toys for Owen. As we walk on Claire pushing Owen's pram whilst I walk by the side of her with my arm around her I notice Faye and Luna walking towards us, my heart skips a beat and I freeze not really knowing what to do. I'm hoping that they don't notice us even though I do want to say thanks to them I don't know what to say. They look towards us and I think they've seen us but they quickly turn away and hurry off down another street. Even after all I've been thinking about seeing them that really really really hurt me. A small tear falls down my cheek as we walk into Dolce and Gabbana. 


	23. Thoughts and Actions

Thoughts and actions.  
  
After what happened that day I was left hating Faye even more. Claire says I'm being stupid because we don't even know if they saw us but I'm positive they did. I know that I shouldn't let this bother me but it has and I don't have any idea why and I also don't know how to stop the pain I'm feeling. Claire's proved to be a great Mum and is always making sure that Owen is ok. We've moved house now and have painted the smallest room for Owen, it has lots of baby animals painted on it with a countryside background. It looks perfect just like my little boy. He knows who I am and loves to be held in my arms which is great and feels so right, I love him and Claire so much!  
  
With Owen being one in a few weeks he's started trying to walk but hasn't had any luck at all, he keeps falling over but he doesn't hurt himself. He just starts laughing and gets straight back up to try again. Its so sweet. Owen loves the water and screams whenever you try to get him out of the bath but in the end he calms down and snuggles upto Claire and has his bottle of milk. Recently the little monkeys decided that he will wake up at about three in the morning and stay in our bed with us, which is ok I suppose but its a bad habbit.  
  
Claire: *Shouting* Ian hunny Owen's just taken his first steps!  
  
Ian: Oh my God that's great.  
  
I quickly run into the living room to find Owen standing up holding onto Claire's leg. I smile at him and ask him to show Daddy his walking but Owen has different ideas and shows me a cheeky grin then hides his head against Claire's leg. Claire looks at me and smiles, I'm really disappointed because I wanted to be there when my son took his first steps and now I want him to show me he won't. Claire bends down next to Owen and whispers something in his ear, Owen then turns to face me before staring to walk towards me.  
  
Owen: Dad, Dad!  
  
I look of absolute disbelief appears on my face as I realise what Owen has just said, he just called me Dad for the first time. I thought he would never say it as he learnt to say Mum months ago. I feel tears running down my face, I don't like crying infront of people but this is just a perfect day in my life, absolutely perfect!  
  
Claire: H hold your arms out!  
  
Ian: Oh yeah sorry.  
  
I hold my arms out and Owen walks into them, I'm so proud because he didn't even fall over when walking from one side of the room to the other. I give him a big cuddly and tell him I love him, I still have tears running down my cheeks and Owen is looking at me as if to say you big baby. Claire comes over and we all have one big happy family hug.  
  
Ian: Why didn't you tell me he could say Dad?  
  
Claire: I wanted it to be a surprise.  
  
Ian: Well it definately is that. I'm so happy.  
  
Claire: Awwww bless, Daddy's gone all soppy hasn't he.  
  
Owen laughs and throws his arms around my neck, I kiss him and think about how much I love him, which is one hell of a lot. I love Claire as well and I'm so glad we're together, ok the way it happened wasn't perfect but now life is perfect and I wouldn't turn back time if I ever had the chance, obviously that's not likely to happen.  
  
My parent's haven't been at all intrested in Owen since the time he was ill, that really upset me even though I didn't enjoy it when they came down. I'm hoping they remember his birthday otherwise they'll be in trouble. I suppose it doesn't help that Alyn's girlfriend has just had a baby girl, they care more about her than they do Owen not that Owen's bothered. I doubt he even remembers them. I want his birthday to be perfect but neither me nor Claire have any idea what we can do to make that happen.  
  
Claire's seen Lee several times since the split and has even taken Owen to meet him. Owen absolutely loved spending time with Lee and I don't blame him because he's a great bloke. Claire enjoyed the time she spend with him too and I'm glad she's happy. We've even invited Lee round for dinner next week and he said he's definately going to come so I myself can't wait, neither can Claire and Owen is too young to understand what we're going on about.  
  
I've just put Owen to bed and the cheeky little thing stuck his tongue out at me as I was saying goodnight to him. If we just leave him in his cot with a bottle of milk he'll drink it and then fall asleep without any hassle, he even sleeps all night through sometimes but that's only once in about every two months but I think he'll get better with time.  
  
As I lay in bed tonight with Claire asleep in my arms I'm so happy, I really don't know what I would do without her. I know I'd miss her so much and its because of that, that I'm going to make sure I treat her perfectly and show her all the love I have for her. I'm hoping we can possibly start thinking about having another baby soon, I haven't mentioned it to Claire yet but I know its going to be hard when I finally do tell her. I really want a daughter, ever since Owen was born I've really wanted a little girl and I hope one day I will. Don't get me wrong I'm glad Claire had Owen and I love him so much it's unbelieveable how much love I feel for him but I did want a girl. That doesn't matter now though because I'm really happy with my son and Claire! I kiss Claire goodnight, turn on Owen's baby monitor and turn off the light before drifting off into a peaceful sleep 


	24. Time moves so fast

So here I am five years and two more children later, Claire's currently pregnant with our fourth but believe me this is going to definately be our last one. Don't get me wrong, I love everyone of our children but things have been hard for us over the years and I think four children is more than enough. Both of Claire's last two pregnancies have been terrible for her, constant sickness, stomach pains and being in and out of hospital the whole time but it was worth it in the end.  
  
Owen's now five and is as hyporactive as me, which of course drives Claire mad. He's a really sweet little boy though and loves his brother and sister very much, I've never seen a set of siblings get on so well at such a young age. My only daughter Holly is three and a little angel, oh and she's absolutely gorgeous. She's won four baby contests for the cutest baby, I'm very proud of her. She extremely quiet compared to her brothers but to me that's a good things, its what make's her unique in this family well Claire used to be shy when she was younger so I'm sure Holly will grow out of it. My youngest is Connor and he's only one but is running around everywhere already and screams the house down when he doesn't get his own way. They have their moments like all children but to me they're perfect and I wouldn't change them for the world.  
  
My parents rung when they found out Claire was pregnant yet again, my Mum said we are stupid to be having another child this soon after Connor but I feel we can cope although she made it quite obvious that she doesn't think so. She also said that I'm putting Claire through hell every time I get her pregnant and in a way I suppose she's right but Claire wanted to keep this baby, it wasn't my decision. I would have been heartbroken if she had decided to have an abortion but I would have understood. My parents still aren't intrested in us and only came down for Holly's christening, almost three years ago! They haven't even seen Connor. That makes me mad that they're not even bothered about my children, they care about Jamie and Alyn's kids but not mine and deep down that really hurts me.  
  
Claire's now eight months pregnant and is really big, much bigger than what she was with the others so I've got a feeling its going to be a large baby and cause a painful birth. She's had quite an easy pregnancy with this one compared to Holly and Connor but right now needs to rest loads, that's where she is now, resting well meant to be anyway but I'm sure one of the kids will be in there stopping her getting sleep. Come to think of it, its extremely quiet so I better go check on them.  
  
I walk up the stairs quietly to see if I can catch them up to something, they're not in their rooms so I guess they're all in with Claire. I walk into the room to find all three of them in there and for once they are actually all calm and sitting nicely on the bed talking to Claire. Connor seems fasinated by Claire's bump.  
  
Owen: Mum how come we have to wait so long for the baby?  
  
Holly: Yeah how come?  
  
Claire: Because that's how long it takes for the baby to grow properly.  
  
Holly: Well that's stupid, it shouldn't take so long.  
  
Claire: *smiling* Yeah I know darling.  
  
Oh I forgot to tell you earlier that Holly likes to copy what Owen says. Not one of them has noticed that I'm here yet, I'm just laughing silently at Connor who looks completely confused about the conversation. He's resting his head on Claire's stomach which seems to be something he likes doing.  
  
So how's my perfect little family today then?  
  
Claire: God Ian you scared me, I didn't have a clue you were there.  
  
Owen: Be careful Dad you might make Mum have the baby right now.  
  
Holly and Owen burst out laughing and soon Connor joins in even though he doesn't know what he's laughing at. My children always seem to have little jokes about me with Claire and it hurts because most of the time they're laughing at me. They must think I'm really stupid or something like that. I'm even starting to think this new baby is a terrible idea! I know that's a horrible thing to think but its how I feel right now. I quickly walk out of the room and go downstairs into the kitchen.  
  
I've been staring out of the window for about ten minutes now, not really thinking about anything in paticular but instead trying to think about everything at once. I feel Claire's arms on my hips and her bump resting against my back, she's too big to hug me but I know she wants too.  
  
Claire: What's going on with you? You've been acting so strangely recently, I'm beginning to think you don't want this baby anymore!  
  
Oh don't be stupid Claire of course I want this baby. It's just you and the kids just laugh at me all the time.  
  
Claire: No we don't.  
  
Oh come on Claire, ok so you don't laugh at me but they do, all the time.  
  
Claire: Ian its because they love you and like to make jokes just like you do.  
  
I suppose.  
  
Claire: There's no suppose about it!  
  
I smile and kiss her before insisting she goes back to bed to get some rest, of course she doesn't want to but in the end does. I can't believe we got together almost six years ago and now we're happier than ever, she always makes me see sence and I really appreciate that even though at times I can be a bit blunt with her. I love her and the children very much and they are all that matters to me in this world, well apart from the dog! No only joking nothing's more important than them, we've still got Benji and he's a great dog, he even makes sure the children stay safe. He helps me out a lot and I couldn't be without him. Oh and even Faye is speaking to us now which is great! 


	25. Shock Time

The baby's due any day now and I'm so excited its unbelievable, the children are excited too especially Holly who said she can't wait to have a baby sister. We don't know what sex the baby is but we're all pretty certain its going to be a girl, we don't have any names planned though. Claire's feeling a bit down at the moment and I don't think she's going to be ready for the birth. My parents rung last night to say they want to come down and see the children but I'm not too sure I want them here. Its taken me all day to pluck up the courage to tell Claire that I've said they are welcome to come and visit. I walk into the bedroom slowly prepared for the worst.  
  
Claire darling?  
  
Claire: What?  
  
We need to talk about my parents.  
  
Claire: What about your parents?  
  
Well, um, they're coming down to visit.  
  
Claire: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE COMING DOWN TO VISIT!!!!!!  
  
Calm down please darling, you'll stress the baby out.  
  
Claire: *Angrily* Don't you tell me to calm down. Why didn't you ask me if it was ok?  
  
I don't know, I just thought you'd be ok with the idea.  
  
Claire: Well you thought wrong, there's no way they are staying here. We just haven't got the room and don't expect us to all get along because I'm telling you know that this isn't fair on the children.  
  
I know and I don't want them here anymore than you do but I thought the children would like to see their grandparents at least one more time.  
  
I watch Claire turn away from me and I know she's crying but I don't know what I can say to make things better. I'd do anything to make her happy and if I have to tell my parents they can't come then I will do. I decide its best to leave her for a while and then go back to talk to her.  
  
Holly: Dad Connor's been sick.  
  
I quickly rush into the bathroom to find Connor lying on the floor, he has face paints all over his face and has just been sick, I start to feel myself getting angry as both Owen and Holly know full well that Connor is allergic to face paints. Owen is watching me and I can tell he's scared but Holly seems more intrested in Connor but with her that's the way it always is.  
  
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING? YOU KNOW HE'S ALLERGIC TO THIS!!!!  
  
Holly: Daddy please don't be mad we didn't mean to hurt him.  
  
Owen: Dad we forgot he can't wear them! Honestly we did Dad!  
  
I hear Claire walking along the landing and she soon appears in the doorway, she immediately looks worried and picks Connor up. I touch her arm but she moves away from me, her face is tear stained and her eyes are red and puffy.  
  
Owen: Mummy are you ok? Did Daddy make you cry?  
  
Claire: No he didn't darling.  
  
Holly: Is the baby hurting you.  
  
Claire: Yes darling, just a little bit though.  
  
OMG we have to get you to the hospital.  
  
Claire: Ian calm down, I'm not in labour.  
  
Holly, Owen and even Connor manages to let out a small laugh. I feel so stupid and helpless, nothing seems to be going right for me today. Maybe tomorrow will be better, at least I hope it is as I can't cope with this much longer.I love all of them so much but recently we've started to become a rather distant family, Holly and Owen are always round Lee's house playing with his children and Claire often takes Connor round there too and me I just sit at home watching the tele. Other days Claire will stay at home and we're have a nice chat or something and that's really nice but we very rarely do that now and I know its only going to get worse when my Parents arrive! 


	26. Parent Trap

The last few days have been hell, Claire has been really stressed about my parents arriving and now they're here as well as my two brother plus their other halves and children Claire's not even talking to me. The moment they arrived at the front door they upset Claire, Alyn made some comment about Claire looking really fat and then my Mum said that she didn't think Claire had lost the extra weight from her last pregnancy. Claire slammed the door in their faces and they did deserve it so I left them out there several hours before finally opening the door and telling them what I really thought of them.  
  
Claire of course stayed in our room for the rest of the evening and all night and hasn't even come down this morning, I'm worried because she hasn't eaten for about twenty-four hours. The children aren't very intrested in my parents either and have spent most of the time in their rooms leaving me all alone with them.  
  
It's all a bit tense at the moment because Claire's having her ceaseraen next week and to be honest I'm really scared about it and I think Claire is too, I don't blame her thought because I know how hard it is for me and I'm not the one having this done. Suddenly I hear Holly screaming and I quickly run into the kitchen to find Claire lying on the floor. I see Alyn's trainers and know exactly what must have happened and I start to feel so angry but I keep it all inside because I don't want to lose it infront of Holly. I bend down next to Claire and gently touch the side of her face to see if she's ok but Claire just pushes me away.  
  
Claire: I'm ok!  
  
You're not! Let's get you to the hospital to get you checked out.  
  
Claire: Fine then but I'm going by myself.  
  
No you're not, you can't drive when you're like this. You may hurt yourself or the baby might decide to arrive.  
  
Claire: You know full well the baby isn't suddenly going to decide it wants to be born! You need to stay here to look after the children.  
  
Fine but I'm getting my Dad to take you to the hospital, ok babes?  
  
Claire: Yeah ok.  
  
I help Claire up and watch her and my Dad leave then I come face to face with Alyn in the hallway and can't control my anger anymore.  
  
IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO CLAIRE I'M HOLDING YOU RESPONSABLE. WHY THE HELL DID YOU LEAVE YOUR TRAINERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE KITCHEN FLOOR?  
  
Alyn: I'm so sorry bro, I didn't think anybody would get hurt if I left them there. I really didn't think and I wont forgive myself if something does happen to either Claire or the baby.  
  
WELL YOU BETTER APOLOGISE WHEN SHE GETS BACK, NOW GET OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE I DO SOME PERMNANT DAMAGE TO YOU!  
  
Alyn: I will and I'm so sorry, really am.  
  
WELL IT SHOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!  
  
Alyn looks at me then quickly walks away from me before I carry out my threat, why do my family have to make me so angry? I realise that Holly was standing there the whole time and now she is standing staring at me.  
  
Holly: Daddy are Mummy and the baby going to be ok?  
  
Yes of course they are darling.  
  
Holly: Good, when are they going home?  
  
Soon I hope, real soon!  
  
Holly smiles and runs off back to her room then my Mum appears in the doorway.  
  
Gaynor: Ian we need to talk.  
  
Yeah I know.  
  
Gaynor: We're going to take the children out for the day to give you and Claire time to sort all of your problems out.  
  
We don't have anything to sort out!  
  
Gaynor: Don't give me that rubbish Ian, I heard Clare calling you all sorts of names last night.  
  
It's just her hormones!  
  
Gaynor: Don't blame it on that, its final we are going out and taking the children with us. Ok?  
  
Well it doesn't look like I get much choice in the matter!  
  
It's later that day and now everybodies out except me and Claire, she's lying on the sofa and I'm in the kitchen thinking about how to resolve all this.  
  
Claire: Ian?  
  
What hunny?  
  
Claire: I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you the last few days, I do love you and I know that hasn't shown much recently.  
  
I know you love me darling and it doesn't matter I understand what my parents make you feel like, I shouldn't have let them come here. Don't listen to them saying you're fat because you're meant to be, you're pregnant after all.  
  
Claire laughs and hugs me, well tries to but her bump gets in the way. Immediately the baby starts kicking really hard and I smile at Claire. I'm so glad we've worked everything out because I don't know what I'd do without her in my life, actually I do I'd fall apart! 


	27. Hospital And Home

The day's finally arrived and we're going into the hospital as soon as Claire has got ready but as usual she's taking forever. My parents have taken Owen, Holly and Connor to the park so they aren't in our way. The last week has been great, me and Claire have spent lots of quality time together and have even decided on a name for the baby. I'm really excited but scared at the same time, I don't know why but I am. Claire's scared too you can tell that just by looking at her.  
  
Claire walks down the stairs and I immediately notice that she's shaking so I hug her tightly and tell her everythings going to be ok. I know you shouldn't say things you don't mean but I just want her to relax and be calm. Hopefully that's worked and she'll be calm when we arrive at the hospital.  
  
Finally we've arrived at the hospital and the doctors have just given me some green robe things to put on and in a way they remind me of chain reaction. I want to be with Claire when she's going through all of this and I have to understand its going to be hard for her. Just as the doctors have been telling me to do, I take Claire's hand and talk to her to try and get her mind off things. After a while we decide its easier not to talk about anything and just remain silent. I sigh with relief when the doctor tells us ist nearly over and that everythings going well so far. I see a small smile appear on Claire's face as she squeezes my hand tighter.  
  
Doctor: Congratulations you have a daughter.  
  
I can't stop the massive smile appearing on my face as our daughter Naomi cries for the first time. She's so beautiful and looks exactly like her Mum and sister but I know that in the end she'll annoy Holly immensly when she's older. I hold her whilst the doctor is still stiching Claire up, Naomi looks up at me and seems to smile, her blonde hair and her little fingers and toes are just so perfect. I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful baby!  
  
It's now been two hours since Naomi entered the world and already she seems to have bonded with Claire and I greatly. Her brothers and sister are going to love her but I'm sure it'll be chaos when they all get here.  
  
Claire: So is she going to have any middle names?  
  
I was thinking we could call her Naomi Faye. What do you think?  
  
Claire: That's a lovely idea.  
  
Yeah I think so too. It sounds good Naomi Faye Watkins.  
  
Claire: You better ring your parents to tell them and get them to bring Owen, Holly and Connor here to see this little one.  
  
Don't you want to spend some time with just you, me and Naomi before the little horrors arrive?  
  
Claire: Awwwww that's a nice idea too.  
  
Suddenly I'm woken by a loud noise and open my eyes to see all my children infront of me. Claire and Naomi are both asleep in my arms and my parents are sitting down at the side of the bed, I smile at them weakly.  
  
Owen: Daddy what did Mummy have?  
  
Holly: A baby d'uh!  
  
She had a girl.  
  
Owen: Cool. What's she called?  
  
Naomi Faye.  
  
Holly: Nice.  
  
The children all seem really excited by their new sister, Connor actually seems fasinated by her and keeps kissing her gently. My parents even seem intrested in her much more than I thought they would plus everyone is fussing over who's going to hold her first. Its all exactly how I expected it to be and its nice. I wouldn't change it for the world! 


End file.
